Welcome back to The Nurse In Your Pocket’s series of My Fight 2B Healthy. This is Part 2 of my personal long journey of my quest to be healthy and normal again. I will try my best to not overwhelm you with too much information all at once. I will try to post videos or links to videos related to each post.
I hope to go through my video blogs (vlogs) and share them with you. I started to document a few years ago my journey for my personal record. I wanted to learn from them. I also wanted to have them for my family in case I died unexpectedly. I mostly wanted to document to validate what I was going through.
You see my Fight 2B Healthy is not just about me fighting for answers or getting tests done. It has been about me fighting for someone to listen to me and to acknowledge my symptoms, validation. It seemed like I was not only fighting with my health care providers but with my friends, family, myself, and the world.
Recently a family member commented on how 20 years ago I had made excuses of having headaches and other issues for not visiting as often as they had wished. They assumed I was making up my symptoms. I used to suffer from a lot of headaches, almost 20 times a month. I would not want to be away from my home when I was not feeling well.
For the longest time many friends, family, and my therapist thought I was suffering from agoraphobia(anxiety and irrational fear of being in open spaces or crowds). It appeared as if I had that condition. I knew I was not afraid to leave my house. I could not explain what was happening or why my anxiety level was so high at the thought of going anywhere. Mentally I had to plan out for days to weeks in advance before going to the store or to visit anyone. This would upset my family and friends. I no longer was the fun spontaneous person. Something happened to me. No one could explain what or when things changed. My family and friends were frustrated with me. Imagine how I felt. I was frustrated even more with myself and angry with my body.
I was struggling with fatigue so badly, it felt debilitating. There were moments where I could barely move around the house to cook or to get up to use the restroom. At times I struggled to breathe. At times after I left the house, I would have to sit in the car and close my eyes and not move for at least 15 minutes. At home I would have to take naps, lay down in a fetal position and not move at all. It was as if I had to pull in every ounce of energy left into the center of my core to recharge. As my condition worsened, I would begin to feel a sense of terror, my body would tremble inside, at the mere thought of leaving my home. When I visualized a store parking lot, the distance to enter the store, and aisles I would have to walk around, my body would feel terror. Over the last few years, it progressed to even the thought of taking a shower would cause me to feel terror. I quit working in home health. I could not predict when my symptoms would occur nor its severity.
It has taken many years, many tests, many specialists, a few surgeries, and a lot of documentation to understand how to support my body’s function. I almost have my health mystery solved. As of the past few months, I feel I have discovered some of the root causes to my health symptoms.
When I express my fears to my therapist of my health going backwards, she reassures me I have moved so much further than backwards. I have fought and persistently pursued answers on my own regardless of family and friends assuming I am making up my symptoms. I knew what was happening to me was not normal nor an act of my choice. Something physically happened that altered my being physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I have been determined to find answers. I want to be normal again. I will be normal again!
My motto this year is to “Keep Hope alive in 2025!”
After 20-25 years, I am beginning to reclaim my health. I will live my best life!
