I can’t believe I have been home for 4 weeks. It feels like last week I was looking at this amazing view of the Puget Sound in Washington state. It was so very peaceful and serene all day long. I loved the coolness of the mornings and the sounds of nature. It is so very different from my California High Desert (HD).
The early mornings here in the HD are nice when the birds are chirping and flying around but no comparison to that of the forest or ocean.
I am thankful for my vacation. I now look back to appreciate every moment I had with my friends and the amazing scenery.
At the time, I didn’t think I was in the present. I am still learning how to be present and in the moment. My nervous system still has much to heal, I believe, before I can fully be present in the moment.
My last days there, I had absolutely nothing on my mind. My mind was clear. Mentally free. Free of worry and stress.
After a week at home, I realized how much switching my thoughts off those days was so very instrumental to my nervous system reset. I always knew our thoughts, worries, and stress affected our body. Yet the extent of it, I don’t think I gave it enough credit.
Let me explain. I had promised someone I was going to try and visit the day after I arrived home. I was clear in informing them that it depended on my health. I really wanted to visit but began to feel stress. I knew that walking would be an issue from the parking to the hospital room. I am currently struggling with my mobility. Plus, after my road trip, I messed up my knee. I kept telling myself to “First put on my oxygen mask before helping anyone else.” I can’t visit or help others if my health is not well.
I had to tell myself that repeatedly every day. I felt guilty. I had a few people I was concerned about. I wanted to physically visit them. It was stressing me. I began to realize this was a pattern. I value the need of others over my health. They were not requesting or demanding me to visit, it was a pressure I placed upon myself which in turn would stress me.
The various stressors had clouded my mind and affected my health in various ways.
After I repeatedly reassured myself, my sole concern was for my health, I slowly released each worry and began to feel less stress. I really felt a calmness within. It was a foreign feeling of peace.
Then I was able to look back with warmth and joy in my heart, remembering my entire vacation. The laughter with my friends. The cool salty air along the ocean. The amazing scenery. The pit stops. The stories we told. I started to wish I had the current feeling of peace during my vacation.
My thoughts of worry, stress, and anxiety had hindered my ability to enjoy each every second. I could not feel in the present with my mind preoccupied with all that I was worried about.
I was so anxious to be away from my comfort zone. I was worried about all the things I had to work on. I worried each day what if I could not walk from the parking lot to the hotel room. What will I actually be able to do. My legs had swollen a lot for sitting for several hours at a time. It was a struggle.
I allowed my circumstances to cloud what was in front of me. As I looked at the majestic waves slamming against the rocks, I fought feeling depressed or sorry for myself because I could not safely walk down the path rocky paths to the beach area. I had to remain near the car to record and take pictures.
Deep inside I was battling sadness. I did not want to be depressed when I knew I was blessed and fortunate for the opportunity to have such an amazing road trip. I could not do what my friend was able to this time but have something to strive for in the future. I visited places I had not been to before.
As I type this, I am realizing where I am today, what I have been able to do, and what I was not able to do a few years ago. The struggle I had to walk, breathe, and complete chores. I could not even go to local stores. I would go for weeks without leaving my home. Here I went on a four-day road trip, then walked a little hike to a waterfall, and visited family and friends. Flying back home alone was stressful, but I accomplished it with my friend helping me check in my luggage.
My amazing friends did not judge me or make me feel bad for my size or limitations. This helped me feel safe, which is vital to resetting my nervous system.
I am learning that when the body and brain communicate feeling safe, it turns off the danger signals in the brain tells the body it is safe from danger and ok to return to rest and digest.
Now with my nervous system resetting, I am able to finally learn how to enjoy family and friends. Also learning how to Take Time to Be in the Present!
